Autopsy of a Soul – Page 3

I was crushed and embarrassed because I thought I had not danced well enough, or I did not look pretty enough. I wanted his attention and approval; but though the years no matter what I tried, or what mask I created I did not impress my father. My soul cried out for his love and approval, but I had no success. Not feeling validated and safe created many different masks and enabled me to put a false front to the world. Born from that fear, we create a new image of ourselves. In a lifetime I experienced many masks of fear, anger, self imposed poor image and ego. My most frequent mask was wearing makeup; I would never leave the house without makeup or go to bed without makeup. When I had to face or meet a new person, I would make sure my makeup and hair were perfect...

Autopsy of a Soul – Page 4

That night on the beach when I heard those questions and statements, I did not know the answers or understand what I heard. But as sure as the ocean waves roared against the rocks, I clearly heard God’s voice telling me where to find the answers to helping myself. I needed to go back to school and get an education to help me unravel and understand what I intuitively heard. I had dropped out of high school. I was apprehensive about where I could go or if I could even go back to a school. That familiar feeling of fear crept up speaking loudly to me. “What makes you think that you can learn anything?” I acted on my guidance and worked up enough courage to find a school. I studied psychology at my community college. I learned how our subconscious remembers and stores...

Autopsy of a Soul – Page 5

unknowingly or on purpose, one is chastised and punished. When one is bad, if God did not punish, one would go to hell or worse, the old witch would come after us and take us all alive to her evil place, never to return home. I was always told “God is watching you.” Knowing that God was always watching me, heart pounding fear wrapped me in invisible chains each day. During the winter months my family gathered around the big black stove, feeding it wood to keep the house warm. Mother would tell stories of the old witch and all the horrible things the witch would do to children that misbehaved. My brothers and I believed every word; even today I still hear parents tell the same stories of the witch to control kids. I became so fearful that just enjoying a fantasy...

Autopsy of a Soul – Page 2

Late one night I was sitting on a piece of drift wood on a beautiful beach listening to the ocean and waiting for waves to hit my feet. I looked up and saw a shooting star. At that exact moment the word “awareness” exploded in my head. At first I did not know what this word was or where it came from but I heard that voice again. I thought what a great message from the universe. My mind was stirring and I wondered, what am I supposed to learn about awareness? As the waves tickled my toes the spray of ocean hit my body, the cold spray made me shiver and my mind wondered about awareness. “Awareness” is the quality or state of being aware. It evoked images of having knowledge, and the understanding of my own shortcomings. In another flash I hear the word “image”...

Autopsy of a Soul – Preview

Reverend Maria Reynolds AUTOPSY OF A SOUL Chapter 1 Words I can still hear my mother’s voice yelling “Why, did you do that?” In total surprise, I could not understand her anger. Her face distorted with rage, completely surprised me. Her arms were flying, her mouth was open with horrible loud words spilling out. My heart pounded with fear. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her with my ears. My mind was trying to understand why she was so angry. On that frightening day so long ago fear was born and became my silent partner. Fear standing at my side casting a shadow around me, gave me a strong unpleasant awareness of not being liked. Somehow I was extremely bad. My stomach was upset and I could hear my heart pounding through my whole body. I felt intense...